Jeff Burgess - Autumn Nights (2014) LYRICS

On the playground when I was ten

Playing "Bad Bob" from that old film last night on TCM

Old sunglasses buried in dirt

Broken and bent, but the sharp edges didn't hurt

They gave the world a purple hue

I went to show them to you

Are you scared of the way things change

When they're in a different view

Will you still be there when I'm through

I won't be changed

Purple haze

Hot summer days

Feel a rush of

Cool eccentric ways

Silly schemes crafted through

Filly dreams that may come true

Filly dreams can come true

Filly schemes crafted through

(Don't forget that I love you!)

Filly dreams that may come true

Filly dreams, filly dreams, filly dreams can come true

Oh I'm not jealous that your fame's not mine

But I can't do this if I can't be fine

I've got it all -- I've got it all

I've got everything that I want

Is this the place I hoped to be?

For now I hope it's not

I've got it all -- I've got it all

Once a vision gleamed in my mind

A year ago I had this dream

It came true as I designed

I've been working on my art

Tearing old mixes apart

Grinding hooves down to the frog

Hotel rooms are just a fog

Learning riffs that are too hard

Turn up piano, mute guitar

I left my mixer in its case

Drums are drowned out by the bass

I can't carry all the tech

Soundcheck's over in a sec

Cross fade snares, can't reach that fret

I think I'm drowning in my sweat

We're good to go, we will survive

Where's Neon? Is he alive?

If he's not here (we're on in six)

I'll improvise a brand new mix

It's everything I once dreamed so bright eyed

So why am I not satisfied?

I like the taste -- I can't lie

I think I'll take another bite

Is there a method I've not tried?

I've got an itch that I'm right

So now I'm calm -- I am calm

Even though I feel so low

'Cause every number has to end

And there's a cap to every show

I'm staying calm -- I've got it all

Scream it loud, alone, to vent

I still find my way to the aftershow

Where the better DJs went

With all the rules they gave us

And the precedent that made us

If I was standing that tall

I'd rather dig hooves down and get them dirty than fall

I've got it all -- I've got it all

Am I the worst thing ever for wanting more?

I've come so far, and I'm on the edge

Of temptation, it's a war

I've got it all -- I've got it all

Maybe now I'll be defined

Not drifting through genre like a tumbleweed

But would it hurt to be so confined?

I don't know

And if I could pause time

Then I could think things faster

I would mute the master

And I'd sit back, watch my heroes

Never press play

Let them decay

Inspired the glow of pink summer skies

A tired dream to grow and materialize

But working with you, the days turned to nights

Certain as it grew, the stars are alright

So I'd sleep on the floor as the nights got cold

Oh who wants it more, the young or the old?

No opportune times, the dream all but left

Bowing doesn't need rhymes -- bass is just a clef

Oh, I can't live like this anymore

My life needs music, I need to soar

I could touch the stars then fall to the shore

But I can't live like this anymore

The leaves start to change, the wind is chilled

An air you arranged, a song I killed

I could tear out my mane, grind my hooves down to naught

But I'd die with no name, and a war left unfought

Oh, I can't live like this for too long

My death is slow, my passion is strong

Spite is deep and biting and wrong

Oh, I can't live like this for too long

You got a spider bite

And maybe you told me you'd be alright

You got a spider bite

You didn't know what to do

Oh I wasn't lonely but I wasn't free

Until the chance came to me

And if I had the choice I'd choose to live

And I would swallow my own pride

And surely I would find

A fantasy where you would just forgive me

I am not afraid to lose

For I am slave to what I choose to be

If I fail I will

Be content to hide inside myself

You got a spider bite

Yet you seemed to think you had to fight

You got a spider bite

My dreams were coming true

Each photograph of you up on a stage

Just seemed to jump from the film, from the page

Why did you quit in a rage?

Art is a fallacy

A swallowing of pride because

Inside I know what it oughta be

That which strikes to the heart of me

Booming bass of my soul's beat

Something within that controls me

Speaks to the world "now behold me"

Shatters to pieces the old me

And you coulda had it all

What were you thinking, how could you fall

From the limelight cast on your soul on blast

You were so damn beautiful, body musical

Fluttershy do you know what I'd give

Only for an ounce of the life you'd lived?

I would kill for the fame

I would strangle the world till it coughed my name

I would feed on the pain, no shame

Greed seething, eating away at the brain

But you know what's most fucked up?

The part I'm most jealous of?

I love how you walked away

How I wish I could just walk away

End this dream that seems to be in a reeling whirlwind of dismay

But I can't go back now

This is my language

All the words I know never will be heard

In the dark roads where I languish

By the time this night goes by I'll be relapsed on my hopes

Writing all this out as a route to be back once more with my back to the ropes

I got a spider bite

An itch of the songs that I should write

I got a spider bite

I'm driven just like you

If I had wings I'd be touching the stars

Maybe some magic will map where you are

So when I'm done I can show you so far

I still think of you

You will be there too

In my fantasies

In my wildest dreams

I must belong somewhere

I must belong somewhere

I dreamed the end. I'm in peace, it's alright

Can I sleep, please, through these autumn nights?

I must belong somewhere

I must belong somewhere

I've gone so far and I've fought all the odds

When will I eat the fruit of the Gods?

Maybe if broke my legs in a race

Someone would shoot me in the face

Maybe if I ground my hooves to naught

They'd bleed and bleed and wouldn't clot

High in the sky I can fall and die

Break my horn with a snap and a cry

It's easy to die tragically

But in disgrace would better suit me

I'll be your slave

I'd be your slave

No more faggotry or fucking around

When it's on my own dime

Just let me in your harem

I don't want much time

No more excuses or dodging the bullet

Just shoot me into my grave

And if I was so forward

I'd be your slave

I'd be your slave

I'll be your slave

I'd be your slave

I'll be your slave

And if I had to stop again

I'd treat you like you were my friend

Cause no more fuckery or fucking around

Will unravel my mess

They will find me dead on the counter, cocaine-fueled

In a state of undress

No more clopping to your sick fantasies

Just ask me, "you fuck!" and I'll behave

Cause I'm not afraid of morals

I'll get in your cage

I'd be your slave

I'll be your slave

I'd be your slave

I'll be your slave

And if some fucker threw me out

I'd take a knife and scream and shout

If I ever let you into my secret room

You would see my personal doom and my demise

My complete disguise that would leave you too wise

And I'd to take you down to the bottom with me

I'd be your slave

Let me be your slave

If you could see you, would you be proud?

At all the times you left me in the crowd

The days spent in doubt skipping our classes, making out

Vinyl, it's so hard to sing about

Don't blame a dog for eating a dog

When it's only been taught to kill

Don't blame your friend for leaving you

When her heart is as hard as her will

Don't blame yourself for dragging her home

When she drank and yet still never learned

Don't blame the stars for being so hot

That she had to feel how they burned

Let me hear the silence -- it makes the noise worthwhile

Were you taught to write endings, or did it come to you?

I'm not the type to be opened, I'd rather fake a smile

Is it wrong to be broken when your dream's coming true?

Talk is not the answer it just starts false alarms

"If you ever ask her she is silent and she is grey"

The fan that's in my bedroom -- the caged blades can't do harm

He cools my heat waved three AM, but I only feel it when it turns my way

I don't want to talk about it

I don't want to talk about it

I don't want to talk about it

Anymore

Music's my expression, without it I am blank

To try to force myself in, I have learned the means to trade

I've sucked the dicks of DJs in exchange for higher rank

You won't see it on my face, I think it's worth what I paid

I don't want to talk about it

I'll just flitter around it

As I sing about it

In metaphor

There's no need to talk to myself

I purposely block myself from view

Is it fair in how far I have come

To let depression fuck me too

There's folks who'd kill to be me

I'm on a killing spree and you don't see

The only victim here is me

All the sexy plots

In the cool makeout spots

I'm sad 'cause they remind me of you

And all the lights and dreams I envisioned

Are you mad because they're coming true?

I been living for the shows and for the road

And telling those I love "I have to go"

Seeing filly dreams ignite and fly to space

I will gladly let my one love be the bass

Some couples kiss on the dance floor

You prefer the moonlit seashore

I can't force this life upon you

If it's something you won't do

All the sexy plots

In the cool makeout spots

I'm sad 'cause they remind me of you

And all the lights and dreams I envisioned

Are you mad because they're coming true?

I been meeting all these girls after the show

They sneak backstage, say "Where you wanna go?"

We trot on out, to a bar, she meets Neon Lights

She tries to wet our horns, but I go outside

Oh I don't talk 'cause no one listens

Longer we drive, less it glistens

Losing sight, but what can I do?

Octy, I am missing you

Will you still be there when its through?

All the sexy plots

In the cool makeout spots

I'm sad 'cause they remind me of you

And all the lights and dreams I envisioned

Are you mad because they're coming true?

Why is it so hard not to be blind?

I listen to old songs and somehow I find

I don't hear them the same anymore

There's bad tuning and flaws and they're just so boring

Do I push myself too hard?

I'm only twenty years old

That's eighteen I wasted taking walks autumn nights

And two I've devoted to pursuing this stupid goal

I've lost my filly dreams

The wind swept them up when I wasn't aware

Somewhere along the line it seems

I would turn right back if I wasn't so very close

We haven't talked in so long I probably feel like a ghost

Octy, I swear, I do care, but it's within my grip

I just need to know how it feels then I can end this trip

All the sexy plots

In the cool makeout spots

I'm sad 'cause they remind me of you

And all the lights and dreams I envisioned

Are you mad because they're coming true?

All the sexy plots

In the cool makeout spots

I'm sad 'cause they remind me of you

And all the lights and dreams I envisioned

Are you mad because they're coming

Mad because they're coming

Mad because they're coming true?

Once bass fueled my heartbeat

Once trance chilled my hot-headed soul

Now I'm playing a role

Once songs kept me in heat

Once synths were my only neavou

Oh, where did it go?

Everything's staged

And everything's built

The fruit doesn't age

The flowers don't wilt

Everything's staged

And everything's made

Have I been played?

And if you hear the pumping sound of drums

It's EQ'd and revised and delayed

And if you yell and scream at every thump

They're not live, they're like everything: staged!

Cut out five shows early

I can't take this unending tour

No, not anymore

No cash or deal can help me

I'm still -- now silence cuts to my bones

Leave me alone

Everything's staged

And everything's lies

I'm ruled by my rage

The money's run dry

Everything's staged

And everything hurts

Is this my curse?

And if you see my smile shined up in lights

Know it's paid for, retouched, and afraid

And if you climb while you're afraid of heights

There is no one who comes to your aid

Set the gain to zero

Someone sweep the dust from the room

It's over so soon

Now I've met my heroes

And they told me everything's staged

They let me be caged

Everything's staged

The world is all lies

A war you can wage

Or say your goodbyes

Everything's staged

Don't tell me it's real

You do what you feel?

Everything's staged

And everything's built

The fruit doesn't age

The flowers don't wilt

Everything's staged

Electric or not

Don't give it a thought

If I were you

I'd go outside

And live in the darkest kind of light

It's only right

To take the long road home at night

Octavia, you're grey and I am white

If I were you (If I were you)

I wouldn't hide (I'd get so tired)

And go straight into the darkness with you

And can you tell (that) I'm (through)

'Cause you (I) know my (your) tune

My heart is a reprise and now you can play it too

No I can't live like this anymore

This room's a tomb when you're at the door

I can't forgive this gloom in our lore

No I can't live like this anymore

If you were me

What would be "we"?

Would you have gone and left me here alone?

Or would you have known

That I don't wanna roam

And I'm running out of things to sing about

Will you count me out now?

I don't want to talk about it

I don't want to sing about it

They told me this was heaven

Wrapped up in a bow

But now I know that's it's all

Just a show, hit the wall

Cut the rope, sandbags fall down

If it was me

Up there in the sky

I would try to find the softest place to land

I don't understand

How one can fly, but then still stand

It seems to me the ground would just be bland

Oh I can't live like this for too long

My death won't beg celestial songs

I'm in too deep to tell you I'm wrong

Oh I can't live like this for too long

And maybe I'll cry like that songbird sings

Or maybe I'll go to bed

And I'll close my eyes and I'll lay my head

And I'll die