JUST FERN - Feminology (2018) LYRICs

Hard cider, drink it at a stop light

I wanna own the night just like the rich kids do

I’m craving fun

Don’t wanna be the one who hides, afraid to go cut loose

The streets clear of college kids drunk on cheap beer

I wish I was them

But that won’t come true.

I see the sun hit the houses on the hilltops

But it’s still dark where I’m walking to

Spent too many nights sleeping in my car

Might not get far but I’ll get through

Hard cider, drink it at a stop light

I wanna own this night just like the rich kids do

Can’t beat the line so we take our time

And we slip away up to the roof

Sit under lights from bars

And we pretend they’re stars

But I won’t make a wish—No I’ll wish on you

I see a cutie working at the dollar store

They seem real high & I wanna get stoned

We both ditch working for the afternoon

I get high then low but hey I’m not alone

Can’t stand the sun because it’s too bright

I wanna own the night just like the rich kids do

I’m craving fun, don’t wanna be the one

Who hides, too afraid to go cut loose

The streets clear

Of college kids drunk on cheap beer

I wish I was them but it won’t come true

We, we smoke stems

And we had all the time in the world to be wild & free

& We’re full blown femmes

And we know how to gab with girls while shaking off the police

Do both simultaneously

Religious feminology

I bat my eyes

And then I blink and miss a day, a week, or I don’t know

Pour me more wine

Today’s the kind of day that makes me hate tomorrow

Such frequent sorrow

Beg, steal, and borrow

I’m gonna call you when I’ve made it

I’m gonna let you kiss me at the door

Last year my heart was freaky faded

This year I’m stronger than I’ve ever been before

Now help me wipe the blood off the floor

We’ll live in synchronicity

Embrace our eccentricities

This little strip full of prodigal shops

Tear down the mall build another on top

Buses of college kids

Boozed up & with dough to spend

50 year family shops turning into vapor dens

How do you know when the future’s arrived?

When they take our doctors how will we survive?

Anger ball—strangle it

Buy a drone and bury it

How heavy’s the load and how long must we carry it?

Sober but anxious to prep for the storm

Cops closed that place where the queer kids perform

Rent goes up, isolate

Neighborhood dissociate

Brace yourself look to the clouds for the sun to break

Angel of internet, Google is God

They bought a whole neighborhood for a song

Own the news, stoke the hate

Create the jobs then automate

Pray to the grocer who sold us the bread we ate

I’ll move to Florida, take life as it goes

Vote in a swing state, and quit playing shows

Fall asleep on the beach

Love the moon and hate the heat

Call all my reps twice a week not to murder me

Maybe someday when our tide finally comes

We’ll be so strong we don’t mess nothin’ up

Check the mirror just in case

Force yourself to love your face

Plastic bags under your eyes start to be replaced

So say what you want if you really got a thought that you’re offering

Don’t say I’m your everything

Don’t lie like its anything

And if you’re in a dark spot and your heart is red hot full and fluttering

Don’t say I’m your everything

Don’t lie like its anything

It’s cold, cold, cold water: no more daughters no more sons

I could be your martyr or so could all the other ones

Oh…

Do you wanna cross the ocean with me?

Do you wanna shake and shiver out at sea?

Do you wanna be a drunken sunken twenty-something?

You took my hand and then you swept me away

Got me baked and then TF’d me into prey

Can’t say that I am terrified of anything

Throw out your old self, pray for good health (not for some)

Cast off your demons, we’re all screaming atoms

Do you wanna cross the ocean with me?

Do you wanna give yourself away for free?

Do you wanna be a drunken sunken twenty-something?

You took my hand and then you swept me away

Lay me down beneath the sand where I’ll decay

Can’t say that I am terrified of anything

I’ll just say that I am terrified of losing you

There’s a broken limo in the parking lot

And there’s dents and rust and the holes say its been shot

And with the way the neon sunshine fades the view

You’d think this place closed in 1982

And if I ever get out of Florida, I’m coming back for you

There’s a swamp reclaiming all our stolen land

It’s making its way for our Wifi and the van

No dust settles, no new flowers grow

This pretty pink hotel has got to close

And If I ever get out of Florida, I’m going home

And no one smiles at the Cuban restaurant

When I hold your hand, we get weird looks

I hope we’re the last fags these old fuckers’ll ever see

As they sink into their bogged tombs alone

There’s a place on the beach with eight dollar bud lite limes

I drain my bank account as I hope to die

And when I’m good and drunk I hit the sand

Some fountain of youth, some promised land

And if I ever get out of Florida sunburnt and tanned

I’ll carry you home if I can still stand

When my baby went to work today I pretended that she left me for good

I don’t even know why I did it

I just wanted to feel that loss

To know if I could take it

‘Cause no matter how good it’s going I know that inevitably

Invariably

And ineffably

I will fuck this up

I jilled off, took my girl pills and just sat in the car watching the birds

They’re coming or they’re going, I don’t know

I never kept good track of time

I just sat there and daydreamed for a while, wishing that was me, flying somewhere

With a purpose

No, an instinct

Not something pure but just

Something I could understand

I’d be drummin’ on the trees

Buzzing’ with the bees

Eatin’ sap

Not the crap that I’ve come to need

I would never speak a word

Sing and then be heard

Not a tweet

Just a beak

Just another bird—my familiar

I drove to our diner and sat at our booth and it felt empty without her

The waitress comes over and she asks “oh where’s your little girlfriend I always love seeing you two”

I feel dirty—damaged—no I feel naughty

Eating a fucking cheeseburger at nine A.M. all alone

Is this what it’ll feel like when things finally go south for us?

A plane passes overhead and it startles the birds

I watch them fly away

I just watch them fly away

My baby comes home and i tell her oh god i missed you and she says “I missed you too bug”

She asks if I’m okay

I tell her maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s these hormones but

I’m not quite feeling like myself

The fire alarm turned out to be a mighty good thing

You found me bound for harm inside the stairwell waiting

Waiting

You picked me up, you said "you wanna get some breakfast?"

I told you over waffles that I was waiting

Waiting 

For my heart 

to stop

beating.

I don't manic pixie dream and

I don't think it's no ones job to save me

But sometimes you just have some breakfast

Sometimes going out's a form of bravery

Oh when my heart stops beating

Will I cry or lean in to die?

Somehow the world keeps turning

Where's my fire burning inside?

Broke ev’ry glass that I had last night

Wanted to pass but I can’t get it right

Wanted to cry but I just couldn’t care

Broke down and wrote down a text of despair

And there’s gotta be some good change in the air

Can’t take excuses that reframe your mess

(To tell you the truth, I’ve been ghosted for less)

So now I’m just walking the other direction

I can’t live with folx who stockholm their affection

And I just want a place I can make a connection!

Now everyone is scared

You’re my only one whose there

My newsfeed’s constant fuzz

And spiro fucked my buzz

And no one wants us to be seen

Not been sober since nineteen

So we’ll call, call, call some more

Our bed’s now on the floor

Just one big break tonight

It just might save our life

And as we face this world alone

I’ll always drive you home